#PracticeWhatYouTeach: Public Speaking Terrifies me!

I suck at talking.  Give me a pen and paper or a keyboard and I’m a happy camper but communicating with my voice is something I’ve always struggled with.  It does not come natural to me.  It’s not that I don’t enjoy being around people and talking, I just always feel like when I talk nothing comes out how I want it to come out.  I would much rather be the listener in a group of people who only chimes in with little bits of well thought out conversation.  After conversations I’m always thinking to myself…why did I say that, why didn’t I say this,  that’s not what I wanted to say…..     Needless to say public speaking terrifies me!  And it doesn’t matter if I’ve had months to prepare for something..I still get terrified and still feel like I suck!

Maybe you are saying to yourself right now, Don’t you talk for a career?  Don’t you spend your time one on one and in group settings teaching people Pilates (mainly using your words)?  The answer to that is yes I do and there are many days when I ask myself how in the world did I get here???  This was one of those weeks where I asked myself that question about 50 times.  My week started off teaching a full day of Pilates Teacher Training workshop to 8 new trainees.  What this means for me is that for about 6 solid hours I stood up in front of a group of people and talked with 8 sets of eyes and ears focused on my every word and even taking notes!!  Just writing about this makes my stomach a little queasy! Fortunately, usually once I get into my teaching zone I forget about my nervousness and my love of what I’m teaching shines through.

Like most weeks, I taught my usual schedule of around 20 private Pilates sessions and 10 group classes (again…more talking..) And then something happened that was more terrifying than all of my live speaking time….A recorded interview of me talking to Jenna Zaffino aired on her new, super amazing podcast Pilates Unfiltered.  For someone who hates talking, I can tell you that even worse than having to talk in front of others is listening to yourself talk.  I listened to the podcast so I could remember what I had said. Knowing that quite possibly hundreds of other people could listen to it too is terrifying!   Unlike other speaking opportunities I’ve had on local news stations or in front of local community groups where I’m talking most likely to people who don’t know a whole lot about the topic of Pilates, this podcast is specifically geared toward other Pilates instructors and enthusiasts!  I compare this to being in junior high and having to talk in front of all the “cool kids”.  Quite possibly, Pilates instructors that I’ve admired for years for their amazing teaching and their incredible knowledge of the body and the Pilates work…. could listen to this. Did I mention my stomach is queasy just writing this??

I’m hoping that by sharing my fears this week, I might inspire someone to follow their heart.  You see as much as I suck at talking, as much as I hate putting myself out there so people can hear me suck at talking I know that it’s what I need to do.  I decided a long time ago that life is too short to not do what you are passionate about.  Life is too short to not push yourself to grow and expand.  I’m not exactly sure where I’m headed in life or what my exact purpose is but I do know that I’m pretty passionate about how amazing the Pilates work is and how it can be used as a health tool in anybody’s life.  I have a career that I absolutely love and believe in with my whole heart even if I do have to push past my discomfort of talking in front of others.

I want to send a big thank you out to Jenna for being such an amazing supporter in my Pilates journey and for being an inspiration for myself and everyone who is daring to put their passion out in the world.  And a thank you to all those supporting people in my life (way too many to list) who love and support me in whatever I do, no matter how it turns out! I’m going to go do some Pilates now and try to forget about the uncomfortableness of sharing me (the parts I like and the parts I don’t) with the world!